Finding the Right Words: Solving the Language Problem

In the last post, I talked about the knowledge problem—or how writers develop the content or message in a text. If we think about writing as a staged process, we typically address the knowledge problem in the drafting stage.

A second problem that writers encounter is the language problem or finding the right words. The language problem encompasses style, emphasis, and tone. Writers frequently address these issues in the later stages of the writing process after concerns related to content, structure, and organization have been resolved.

For many writers, these stages are pretty fluid. While I finetune language choices in late drafts, I often find myself tinkering with word choice as I create the initial draft. But placing undue emphasis on individual words and syntax during the early drafting stages can impede the writing process, especially for writers who aren’t confident in their skills or haven’t yet addressed larger knowledge or rhetorical issues (the subject of the next post). In those cases, making word- and sentence-level changes might be better saved for the editing stage.

So we’ve talked about when to address the language problem. Now, we need to discuss how to address problems at the word or sentence level.

There are countless style guides to which you can turn for advice. Helen Sword has curated a list on her website, but there are certainly others. One of my favorites is Richard Lanham’s Revising Prose. Lanham takes exception to the official style—the language of business, government, and education, which is often convoluted and difficult to read.

Okay, this example might be a little over the top, but here’s what a familiar nursery rhyme might sound like if cast in the academic voice:

Scintinllate, scintillate globule aurific

Fair would I fathom thy nature specific

Loftily poised in the ether capacious

Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous

Scintinllate, scintillate globule aurific

Fair would I fathom thy nature specific

(Lee, 2011, p. 104)

Scholarly writers are frequently socialized into this style, but it can get in the way of communicating with readers, especially if we hope to reach a broader audience. Lanham proposes that writers adopt the paramedic method to get the “lard” out of their prose. You can use the following strategies to systematically move through a draft, clarifying and simplifying your language.

1. Circle the prepositions. Strings of prepositional phrases can obscure the essential meaning of a sentence. Look for and eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases.

Original

The early history of the evolution of the idea, symbolized by the change in terminology from “library use instruction,” “library orientation,” “library instruction,” and “bibliographic instruction” to “information literacy” is discussed by Tucker (1984) and Snavely and Cooper (1997), and is illustrated by the incidence of the terms “bibliographic instruction” and “information literacy” in ERIC.

Revised

Tucker (1984) and Snavely and Cooper (1997) discussed changing terminology—“library use instruction,” “library orientation,” “library instruction,” and “bibliographic instruction” become“information literacy”— as symbolizing the early evolution of the information literacy concept. The appearance of the terms “bibliographic instruction” and “information literacy” in the ERIC database illustrates this point.

2. Draw a box around the “is” verb forms. Whenever possible, writers should strive to use active voice. Identifying the forms of the verb “to be” will help you pinpoint instances of passive voice in your writing.

3. Ask, “Where’s the action?” In revising for active voice, identify what’s happening or what’s most important in the sentence. Can the action be more clearly communicated using an active verb construction?

4. Change the “action” into a simple verb. Moving from passive to active voice creates simpler and less wordy verb forms. Wherever possible, avoid compound verb phrases.

5. Move the doer or the important information into the subject position. (Who’s kicking whom?)

Original

A second development, under the banner Project S.A.I.L.S., is the creation by Kent State University, with co-sponsorship of the Association of Research Libraries and funding from the Institute for Museum and Library Services, of an objective test that measures the level of information literacy. The instrument is being developed to test the 87 outcomes from the Information Literacy Competency Standards for Higher Education (Project S.A.I.L.S., 2005).

Revised

Project S.A.I.L.S., created by Kent State University, with the co-sponsorship of the Association of Research Libraries and funding from the Institute for Museum and Library Services, is a second development in the assessment arena. The instrument measures students’ level of information literacy by testing the 87 outcomes from the Information Literacy Competency Standards for Higher Education (Project S.A.I.L.S., 2005).

6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups. Phrases such as “my contention is that,” “what I want to make clear is that,” or “what I have argued here is that” are hedging phrases that are usually unnecessary. Adequate use of voice markers throughout should help readers identify when you are introducing someone else’s ideas or making your own contribution to the conversation.

Original

In any case, I contend that the debate about the language (e.g., information literacy, information competency, information fluency, computer literacy, computer competency, computer fluency) is now largely resolved because of the emergence of the Information Literacy Competency Standards for Higher Education.

Revised

The emergence of the Information Literacy Competency Standards for Higher Education has largely resolved the debate about the language (e.g., information literacy, information competency, information fluency, computer literacy, computer competency, computer fluency).

7. Eliminate any redundancies. Work to reduce the close repetition of words or phrases in your prose, which can create circular logic.

Original

Toner (2015) believed that strategies for student success start with providing advisors with predictive analytics (p. 15). Predictive analytics look at more than just test scores and high school transcripts. Predictive analytics start with institutional research that tracks new student data to “look for patterns regarding students who were and were not retained after the first year” (Miller, 2013, para. 2).

Revised

Toner (2015) believed that strategies for student success start with providing advisors with more than just test scores and high school transcripts. Instead, advisors should have access to predictive analytics, which use new student tracking data to identify attrition patterns after the first college year (Miller, 2013, para. 2).

Applying the paramedic method to your writing increases clarity while also reducing word count—an important consideration for manuscript submissions, conference proposals, and other refereed scholarly activities.

If marking up your manuscript in this way feels like too much trouble or maybe a little old school, you might consider investing in a stand-alone grammar checker. I’ve been testing a Grammarly premium subscription over the last few weeks and have found that it identifies many of these issues. In some cases, it even offers suggested revisions for sentences that are likely to trip up your readers.

What are your favorite strategies from streamlining your prose?